Here's an account of what kind of experiences two women from abroad have gone
through, once they settled in Pakistan
By Mohammad Shehzad
Sarah
Mahmood and Grace Shaikh - two foreigners who married Pakistanis became a part
of the Pakistani society. Sarah comes from Britain and Grace from Philippines.
They both claim that their husbands have been extremely supportive in every
move of their life and they could not have adjusted to the Pakistani society
without their help.
Grace is a
gender advisor with Plan Pakistan whereas her husband, Shaikh, is a program
manager with Aga Khan Foundation. Both met at the Asian Institute of
Technology [AIT] Bangkok where Grace was studying Rural Regional Development
Planning while Shaikh was studying Urban Planning. They got married after
their graduation. Grace is a remarkable wax-crafter. Her candles and hurricane
shells are sold like hotcakes in exhibitions.
Sarah is a
Manager Communications at Leadership for Environment And Development (LEAD)
Pakistan. Sarah has a Master's degree in English from Oxford University. She's
the author of Four Shakespearean Comedies Retold For Children (OUP, Karachi).
Sarah and
Grace have talked on a number of issues including the pros and cons of living
in a Pakistani society.
"The obvious
plus point is domestic space and time. I do much, much less housework, spend
much more time reading and chatting with friends. It would not be physically
possible in Wales, where I come from. Pakistan has given me an opportunity, I
would never have had in Britain, to try my hand at a number of activities and
to realise my potential to write," remarks Sarah.
Sarah has
lived in Pakistan for 16 years - she's not that kind of a western woman who
develops paranoia about being forced into shalvar kameez, stared at, deprived
of freedom of movement, stifled by narrow minded conventions, drowned in
family matters etc.
However, the
biggest 'minus' for Sarah is that she isn't able to go alone for long drives
or have a real qualitative scene change from a trip to Jinnah Market or the
Marriott. "There's no real mobility in the public area for anyone in Pakistan,
not a lot to explore in the physical sense. Going on public transport in
London is in some sense an exploration- the range of passengers, the variety
of scenes and buildings flying past. The fact that you can't ride buses and do
so much else to unwind alone is negative."
On the other
hand, Grace feels that she does not have any problem in mobility. She has
found that people all the time are helpful. "My car has broken down several
times on busy roads. The moment I step out of my car, a lot of people come
forward to help me out whenever I have any car troubles," says Grace. "What I
like most about Pakistan is its people's strong grip of culture and
traditions, values and norms. People generally are very warm; loving;
respectful and genuine. I would say that Pakistan is a conducive place to
raise young children for many good reasons," she adds.
For Grace
the biggest minus is the lack of basic education among youth who fall into the
labour class. "From my almost a decade's of experience living in Pakistan, I
have found that the country has its own large share of unexplored resources
whether it is human, technical or natural resources. In human terms, we have
at present, a huge number of men (20-25 year olds) power who might be smart
street wise on few things but at the same time not properly groomed to address
the demands of the big job market. Their working conditions are also
deplorable. They work in harsh environments. They are inadequately
remunerated," observes Grace.
Mostly
foreign women believe that it's a 'sin' to be a woman in a country like
Pakistan that is marred with evils like domestic violence against women and
honour killings. Both Sarah and Grace disagree with this notion.
"Those from
well-placed or well-to-do families gain an enormous sense of comfort and
security from their protected status-and an enormous sense of confidence. Many
of them have excellent careers after being encouraged to pursue higher
education abroad; some husbands are very supportive even when wives travel
frequently for work purposes. But it's certainly tough for a poor woman to
survive in this male-dominated society. The poor woman has few choices or no
choice at all to select a career or husband for herself. Her life is a
constant ordeal," notices Sarah.
Grace feels
that although men seem to dominate the society by and large but women have
their own fair share of respect and security. "Sometimes, it is a privilege to
be a woman in Pakistan. In a Pakistani society, women are protected by the
male members of their family.
"While I was
coming to Pakistan, my friends in Philippines advised me not to go there as
they thought Pakistan was like a desert, a part of the Middle East, and the
people were mostly like the ones portrayed in the foreign Media. I changed
this perception for all times to come - I hope," Grace says with a smile.
(Mohammad Shehzad is Resident Editor at LEAD Pakistan).
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